Why it is so important and how to get more of it?
The biggest misconception when it comes to intimacy is that it equals sex, the quicker word gets out that this is not the case, the easier it will be for couples to understand each others needs and prevent many future arguments.
Sexual abstinence from a partner is a cause of frustration, depression, high blood pressure, fights within the relationship, hormonal imbalances, headaches and emotional eating which can lead to weight gain. There are many more issues which can surface in such times within any relationship.
Intimacy within a relationship is what prevents these feelings from building and getting out of control, it creates a sense of closeness and a feeling of being loved by your partner. Intimacy does not mean sex, however it does involve a physical connection and a sense of presence and depth in a relationship. In essence intimacy occurs when two people are able to emotionally open up to one another and reveal their true feelings, thoughts, fears and desires. Intimacy involves vulnerability, so it can be a very difficult experience for some people, a fear of losing independence is often times a factor in avoiding intimacy, however intimacy is more about balancing your sense of self while still being connected with your partner, rather than becoming some else entirely. Intimacy can only truly take place when both parties trust each other completely.
The by products of intimacy within a relationship are trust, mutual respect, love, communication, understanding and a healthy and more fulfilled life. These are all foundations of a healthy and satisfying relationship. A perceived lack of intimacy is one of the commonest reasons for relationship breakdowns.
Intimacy can be used in place of sex when one or both partners have had a long day and are perhaps not in the mood for sex. By initiating a few minutes of intimacy, the individual who isn’t necessarily ‘in the mood’ can still help make their partner feel a sense of love, knowing that their partner is willing to make them feel happy by having the attention turned to the relationship rather than the T.V, the kids, or a book.
It is most commonly assumed that men are incapable of intimacy and vulnerability due to their lack of ability to express their emotions in the same way that women do. They often feel uncomfortable discussing their emotions at all. However, it is important to remember that intimacy is a skill, and as such can be learned.
Making time to nurture your relationship with intimacy on a daily basis, even if it is for 10 minutes will add invaluable feelings and closeness within your relationship and help you to reach unpredictable levels of peace and happiness from both partners.
Tips for developing intimacy within your relationship;
1. Recognise that intimacy does not come naturally to everyone. However, it is a skill and can be learned. So patience is needed from both parties. It is okay to be apprehensive about it, but don’t let that stop you from trying.
2. Once you have acknowledged that intimacy opens you up to vulnerability which is, in turn, quite a big risk, you will be able to trust in yourself and this will allow your partner to reflect your actions and trust themselves more to open up to you. If you are always waiting for your partner to open up first, you may be both stuck in a vicious cycle, and neither one of you will be getting closer to achieving closeness.
3. Even if your partner is not accepting of your thoughts and emotions that you reveal, the relationship will be better off for your honesty. Learning to manage your feelings of discomfort or insecurity without resorting to attacking or withdrawing, when someone doesn’t agree with you, is an important skill set to have.
4. Challenge your belief system about masculinity… ‘Much are always in control’, ‘Boys don’t cry’. You’ll be surprised at what you uncover.
5. If you have exhausted all of your options, we recommend finding a 3rd party, such as a relationship counsellor, to help you develop intimacy.
